Just off the top of my head... 

I will remember this year for the coming together (separately of course) over memes, homeschool disaster #1 and #2, Easter with neighbors in the street, finally giving my hair (who has always had a life all her own) a name, moving on a whim, the importance of red flags, homeschool epiphany #1, and Johnny's chronic poop/attitude issues. 

Nora hated every second of kindergarten at home. We did lots of worksheets. Then we did zero worksheets. She and Perry became feral children who lived outside with the neighbor kids. I bathed them sometimes, I think. 

In March, I felt like the Lord put it on my heart that we wouldn't live in our house much longer. So we started and finished last minute fixer upper projects like this one:

and the side yard:

Then Rona reared her ugly, spikey-ball head and I thought....well I guess Rob is going to get laid off and that's why we're moving. But no... and praise God! An acquaintance on Instagram mentioned off hand in a story that she was thinking about selling her house... and being creeper-like I had already peeked into her window one time picking up something from her porch ... so I said "Hey Rob, guess what..." and then we bought and sold a house in a pandemic. We didn't move into a bigger house... it is a same size house, but without a pool. Nora let Johnny out of the pool gate twice and I was done. 

Here's a poem I wrote to that house:

Re-entry:

The first time we went to the Library after it re-opened we were the only kid family there. Not only were we loud by comparison to the silent old people, but I realized we had also lost all social skills. We left approximately 7 min later. I think I lost my own social skills too, and learned new skills like the "smile by eye-squinch" maneuver. A risky move for my 35 year old eye wrinkles but Instagram can hear my thoughts and will recommend a product for that. 

And now its time for some real talk:

Johnny has been tough. Like really tough, always fussy, I am jumping through all of his hoops because I just want him to be happy for some extended minutes of his awake life. This has made me tired, foggy and jagged. 

There were A LOT of red flags popping up in my life and I was ignoring them one after the other. Making rationalizations and justifications for them if I even gave them that much energy. Do you know what happens when you ignore a bunch of red flags? A bomb goes off instead. 

If you have fallen asleep to your red flags, WAKE. UP. You have them for a reason. Is there something you are ignoring over and over about your health because it's not debilitating? A relationship that is pushing boundaries or needing boundaries? An environment you or your kids need to stop visiting? A show? An app? Red flags can be anywhere. Ask yourself questions. That uneasy feeling... is that what a red flag feels like to you?

Fast forward:: School starts online

This is how that went:

I ordered the homeschool curriculum "The Good and the Beautiful" language arts for Nora because online school not cutting it and I didn't want her to fall behind in reading. We LOVED it. Even her. My whole mindset shifted about homeschooling. It didn't seem impossible anymore and I can see more value in it where I couldn't before. We are not homeschooling currently but I love that I got a glimpse into it. 

2020 specifics:

Masks were hard for me. Maybe they still are but I wear them. BUT NOW, for only $36, we can buy shirts that are made to pull up over our faces and hook to our ears so that's neat. 2020 also taught me if something doesn't look quite right it is because you need to put an orangey filter on it and then it will probably look better than what you see out of your natural born eye balls. 

Best Quotes of the Year:

Nora: "If you could climb a ladder all the way to heaven would you climb it?"

Me: "Eek, that's a really tall ladder I might be scared"

Perry: "Yes you would Mommy!"

Nora: "Yeah you would, anything is worth seeing Jesus" 

&

"I find myself worrying most that when we hand our children phones we steal their boredom from them. As a result we are raising a generation of writers who will never start writing, artists who will never start doodling, chefs who will never make a mess in the kitchen, athletes who will never kick a ball against a wall, musicians who will never pick up their aunt's guitar and start strumming." -Glennon Doyle 

Books I read:

Where the Crawdads Sing

Educated

Murmur of Bees

Get out of your Head

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

Becoming Duchess Goldblatt

From Sand and Ash

The Growing Season

Answered Prayers by George Muller

Mr Ives Christmas

Songs of the Year:

A Spoon of Sugar - Kacey Musgraves (because it makes Johnny happy) 

Skyline Motel EP on repeat all year

Total Freedom- Kathleen Edwards ... probably our most favorite find. At first you listen and think "ok, yeah." Then you listen again and then you can't stop. Its like kombucha. 

Looking forward: 

*Nora is starting at a new school in January because there were too many red flags at the previous one. 

*I am coming out of behavior therapy pregnancy and nursing retirement! I have to reactivate my license and get some CE hours but I'm coming for you all my sweet behavior challenged babies! I've missed you and all your shenanigans. 

* I made Senior Manager this year consulting for Beautycounter and have loved this company more than ever before.  

* I plan on making writing a more integral part of my life. Hopefully, I will share more on that later. Big thank you to the both of you that made it to my last sentence besides my mom and Aunt Helen. 

Happy New Year Friends

I Hate Toys and Other Grinchly Things to Say // 2019 in Review

2019 was a doozy. I started out very pregnant and gave birth to our first boy on Nora's 5th birthday. It was my easiest labor and delivery and my tiniest baby at only 8.5 lbs (2 weeks early) Then some days later, Perry broke her arm ... the one she didn't break last year. Most of this year was a blur so this post might be a quick read.

I think my whole mindset shifted in a lot of ways this year. When you have three kids, five and under, you kind of don't have a choice. Instead of "underachieving" like last year I pretty much just "achieved." I said yes to more things but did them more simply. I signed up for the kids parties... but I brought plates and napkins. I bought a stash of birthday gifts on amazon so I wasn't going out to buy things for every party. I made more meal plans and planned ahead for foods (ish). I put myself down early for bed (9:30pm) I even started working out 5x a week... because I let go of the notion I had to go somewhere (even though I still would love to) and just do it at my house when Johnny is napping because its simpler that way.

I love simple. Too much stuff is not simple... its managing, cleaning up, rearranging and organizing junk that we don't even need. I've given away half of my closet. I'm still working on the other half. There's still a lot in there but I've been hoarding things for 10+ years. I'm talking shirts that only fit bodies years before they thought about babies. I know this is very Marie Kondo of me but I'm for real. I don't waste time thanking my clothes because... they are clothes. Bye.

Now let's talk about toys. I really do hate toys y'all. Hate is strong word. That's why I'm using it. My kids had three toy boxes and a playroom full of toys. They played consistently with 10 things. Those being a karaoke machine, dress up clothes, some stuffed dogs, american girl dolls and the toy stroller. THAT'S IT. But to get to all those things they were digging through mounds of other crap toys that they just cast aside repeatedly.

So we have had multiple rounds of giving away toys and are in a much better place. They threw fits and cried over toys they haven't touched in years but once they were out of sight they were forgotten again. Just in time for Christmas. I recently listened to a podcast by Dr. Denaye Barahona of Simple Families about "Too many toys" I loved the framework she set up about acquiring new toys to help her kids think about the toys. Heres a snippet:

"...I’m also really mindful of the fact that the way that I buy for my kids is teaching them. It’s teaching them how to make decisions about bringing materials into their life, and I want them to be intentional about it. So we talk about the decisions. How often are you going to play with this? How many different ways can you use this? How durable is this? How long is it going last? What’s gonna happen to it after we’re done with it? Is this something about we’re going to be able to pass on to another family, where perhaps it just won’t be interesting to kids because it involves a character that is losing popularity and is going to be pretty much unknown after your child is done playing with it.

When you buy toys more intentionally, you can back load the joy on the toys, and that means you might be buying something like a good set of wooden unit blocks that aren’t necessarily going to light your kid up with joy when they open it on the morning of their birthday, but the joy is going to come out slowly over weeks, over months, over years, as they learn new creative ways to use these toys. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want to teach my kids about bringing new things into their life. I want them to buy more intentionally. I want them to buy things that are going to be useful and durable, to last for years rather than something that’s just going to get them excited and happy for a few moments. I truly think it’s never too early to start teaching that." 

So what do my kids do if they are not playing with toys? They are outside playing with dirt, grass, rocks, and riding scooters. If they are inside they are usually coloring or cutting up paper and string, using up all my tape and creating disasters. I love this. They are being creative.

This next part is hard for me but I believe in it. Experiences over things. I'm a homebody and could be fine not doing the "cool thing" that everyone else is doing. 1. Because I'm fine, good for you, no FOMO here. 2. Kids are hard to drag around places. I read a quote from a mom this year that said "You can't take your kids somewhere, spend money on them and expect them to have a good time. That's not how it works." So maybe that's not true all the time but a lot of the times, it is. Johnny got sick Christmas day and I felt like I missed the whole Christmas experience with the girls. I found the Color Factory and knew this was a must.

I've realized that I'm tried of pretty pictures on instagram. They are lovely, but I'm tired of them. I'm tired of perfectly staged rooms, and perfectly matching and posed kids. Maybe it's because my real life doesn't and can't look like that and why should it? Do I even want it to? Not really. So here's to pictures of our well thought out and lovely homes in their natural states and children in their mismatched clothes and hair that needs to be brushed not looking at the camera or smiling but having fun doing whatever they are doing... and us taking that pretty picture without interrupting them to say "smile" "stand closer" and "move over there" etc. Obviously this isn't always going to happen but I think it can a lot more.

Lastly, I have really enjoyed not eating paleo this year! Man, you people with all your gluten are really living it up. I mean it. I have a couple months left of nursing, call me let's eat bread together.


Books:
Lilac Girls
Daring Greatly

Song/s of the Year
Its easier just to make a playlist. These our favorites... Mine and Rob's and some of the girls too. But our kids probably know the words to all of them.

My theme of year: Let it go // Experiences over things (... except for vintage rugs)

Side Gigs: Doing some photography mostly of some really beautiful homes! Some friends' kiddos here and there too. Still loving beautycounter! Ever remember me talking about my red beard? (read: face so dry it hurts) Well its gone thanks to this and this. Also everyone's favorite is 45% off right now.

Quote of the year: from Perry talking my next door neighbor (and one of my best friends) who had just finished mopping and was cleaning a vent...

"My mom never cleans. She just pays people to clean. She has lots of money, do you not have money?"

"I have money I just choose to spend it on different things"

"Yeah that why we had to choose some toys to give away to poor humans like you that don't have money or tickets. I put my toy cat in there. Its broken but you'll still like it"

I'm not even going to try to defend myself. Its the best worst thing I have ever heard.

Happy New Year! 

Happy New Year from us in 1980s // Photo By: Finch Media Co 

HOME.

My 4 year old said to me, "Why do you keep changing our house?" I was ripping down 1975 metallic wallpaper so I think I said something to the effect of, "I don't like this wallpaper so I'm going to take it down and paint it a color I like." I felt okay about that answer. But then the same question kept coming when we got new windows ... "because they were old..." and when I got a new rug .... "because... I liked it?"

Why do I keep changing our house? I want it to be beautiful, a reflection of my style and functional for our family... but at what point do I stop? Will I ever stop? Probably not. We all know those people that just change + change + renovate ... then move and start over again.

I think there are two parts to this.
1. The genuine want to create a warm, restful, and comfortable home.
2. The longing for our true home.

Lets start with

PART 1: The genuine want to create a warm, restful, and comfortable home. 

I immediately think of Sally Clarkson's, A Life Giving Home: Creating a place of belonging and becoming. Just flipping through it I know I need to read it again. While she does talk about creating with the "stuff" of a space: cozy chairs and blankets, holiday decor, fresh flowers, pictures on the walls, meaningful items from trips abroad; these are all second to rhythms, routines, and rituals. Connecting with the Lord, with each other, creating familiar routines to come back to, (at least in our minds) in what we do in our homes because of the meaningful "why" of it all. Sharing meals and inviting the community in is a huge theme in this book. Also a good read on that note is Bread and Wine by Shauna Neiquist.

I think all of us have experienced the vacation that was amazing but the longing to be back in our bed, with our things, doing things our way. We want our home to be a place where we feel comfort and rest, a place where our people feel comfort and rest, and for me, a place to offer others a place of comfort and rest. There's nothing wrong with any of this.

PART 2: The longing for our TRUE home.

Hebrews 11:16 

But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

Hebrews 13:14 

For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

2 Corinthians 4:18 

As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 5:7 

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

Philliapians 3:20 

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ

Hebrews 11:10 

For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.

I think whether we acknowledge Christ as Lord or not, He has still created us, and created us to long for Him, and to long for heaven. Our homes are never going to feel "just right" because the world is not "just right." We can renovate and redecorate till our fingers and bank accounts bleed but our hearts will never be truly content with our "attempts" of home. I am not surprised our eternal home is "designed and built by God" (Hebrews 11:10) Can you imagine having to make those color and material choices?! haha. 

This is the piece where Nora's question gets me. "Why do you keep changing our house?" I have the good reasons but I have to question all my reasons. Am I reaching for something unattainable? Yes. I will never replace the longing in my heart with the look/feel of my house, but I still innately try and then post it on instagram like its an accomplishment.  But if you come to my house and feel comfortable, cared for and encouraged then maybe we really did catch a little glimpse of heaven. Good read on this: The Great Divorce by CS Lewis

Like everything else in life its a balance. Thank you to our children who see things all too clearly.

" Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul alike." -John Muir

"We shape our dwellings, and afterwards our dwellings shape us." -Winston Churchill

E-Design: Baby Girl Nursery

Baby Boy has decided that I don't need to sleep anymore. At 5:30am I was up and ready and thinking about how I will never have another baby girl nursery in my home. I LOVE that I am having a boy but girls are all I know! 

So here is an example of an E-Design nursery. Of course this is highly variable because we would use pieces you already have and such, but starting from scratch is fun too!

Links and costs to all are below:

Crib // Target // $399

Dresser // World Market // $679

Rug // Rugs USA // $269

Rocker // Pottery Barn Kids // $699

Leather Pouf // Express Google // $130

Bookshelf // World Market // $249

Changing Pad Cover // Pehr Designs // $30

Pillow // Etsy // $35

Kantha Blanket // Hand&Cloth // $98

Crib Sheet // Pehr Designs // $36

Wreath // DIY 

Notes:

- I love bookcases that can be screwed into the wall for safety! I put baskets and toys at the bottom because they are going to rip whatever is there right out!

- I love pieces that grow with them. The kantha blanket serves as a crib blanket and then a throw/heirloom later. 

2018 in Review

I feel like there's a lot to cover because its been 6 whole months since I've typed the bloggy letters. But with a theme of underachievement (that was my resolution for this year) I was bound to fall off the blog train at some point. Ill try to keep this organized!

UNDERACHIEVEMENT

I missed "meet the teacher" day at the girls' preschool and who knew they did all the sign ups that day. Rob for sure didn't know. For the entire fall semester I did not bring one snack or help with a party in any way. I combined the girls birthdays... that are two months apart... for one mega christmas/unicorn/cookie party because I cannot do two parties and have another child. Speaking of another child: I got pregnant again, after a failed pregnancy in May, which is our greatest achievement of the year.

After I started making space for myself, (I think the cool word for this now is "margin") I began to see what I really WANTED to do and pursue.

I linked up with a lovely lady in Midland (@jtproperties_and_staging) to take photos of homes, help stage homes, and soon will embark in interior design with her and on my own.

Staging by Jamie Cole, Photo: Me

Staging by Jamie Cole, Photo: Me 

I started as the marketing coordinator for Habitat for Humanity Midland and have loved my very part time gig. Follow the instagram (@restoremidlandtx)

I started consulting for beautycounter. Did you know its the most googled beauty brand of 2018? I love that people want to know what ingredients they are using and are caring for their skin and bodies! I am highly allergic to synthetic fragrance and even synthetic vitamin e (which is in everything) and I don't even have to think about if I will break out with beautycounter, it just works and works WELL. Here's the link if you're interested. My favorites are the charcoal bar, brightening oil, overnight peel and Cream blusher in caramel (trust me on the color!).

HOUSE PROJECTS
We knocked out some fun smaller scale house projects:

1. Updatied the wet bar area

2. Finished the tiny bath

3. Cleaned up the look of the front door and vintage brass knob (that is my new favorite old thing)

4. Replaced the towel bars with these cheap and awesome hooks (because Nora hung on one like a gymnast and ripped it right out of the wall)
5. Almost done with brothers room

6. Replaced butter splatter tile in the girls bathroom (apparently I never got an after shot)

7. Updated lights and mirrors in master bath

7. New fence because one whole side blew down!

8. New WINDOWS for the whole house!!!

BOOKS
- Brain on Fire
- Little fires Everywhere
- The Couple Next Door
- One True Loves 
- Cold Tangerines
- The Antelope in the Living Room
- Eat What You Love (Cookbooks count as reading)

TRIPS

-Marfa, TX

-Santa Fe, NM

-Houston, TX

-Ashville, NC

-Napa, CA

WHAT I HAVE LOVED THIS YEAR

I love the community we have found in Midland. When people ask me with a slightly disgusted tone, "How is Midland?!" My first response is "I love my people." I can walk to 4 friends houses in less than 5 minutes. I know I can drop my kids off with a friend and run an errand or go to a doctor appt and not feel guilty about it because I will keep their kids too. Food just shows up on my porch, one time half eaten by a creature but we still ate it haha (it was homemade sourdough!!) I can ask for prayer and receive it. I can ask for help. We had lots of people over and I loved it. It wasn't out of a feeling of "should" but out of "want." I don't clean up for them... well unless there is no path to even walk around. I don't apologize for the state of my house or my laundry piles or how I look because Im not sorry, it just is what it is.

Rob has been home almost every night and I love the simple rhythm of our life. We say all the time, "our life is so simple." We count it as a blessing and don't take it for granted.

MOST LOVED SONG OF THE YEAR (by the whole family):
John Mayer "New Light"

LOOKING FORWARD

I have lots of plans per usual. More plans when I drink coffee and less when the caffeine wears off. I am officially closing my etsy store PaperTherapyShop. Its been 8 years and its run its course. If you would like any prints let me know and you can pay shipping, I would be happy to send them to you. Email me at papertherapyshop@gmail.com

I want to grow my @theHouseGoat business and instagram. This looks like interior design, consulting, and encouragement. I want to allow people to know me, know my design aesthetic, know my heart, and my heart for a feeling of home base and function.

I want to be intentional with my time. Planning my time spent on social media instead of scrolling until my eyes turn into chicken nuggets. I want to sit with my kids and play without interruption of real or seemingly pressing needs. I want to invest in my friends and their families. I want to ask good questions through our broken up "is that a happy or mad scream?" conversations.

I want to speak all the good things I think about Rob to him. And just good things in general. He gets to be my sounding board for all my frustrations so I think I need to balance it out a little.

I want "a bit of earth" for my kids. We currently have no grass/dead grass for them to play in and that kills me. We have a side yard I have big plans for. I don't think they care at all but my most cherished childhood moments were running wild in Colorado creeks and trails and open spaces. For now we have dirt lovers, at least they're outside!

I want to give this side of the living room some love. Its pretty bla. I'm thinking a credenza under the tv with benches and pillows on either side. Or maybe a bench that runs the whole length of the wall with built in storage??

These are all great things but as I have learned with our marriage goals over the last 9 years, you gotta be realistic. Rob and I started writing our goals for the year down on our anniversary and as I read through the progression, I laugh.

Year 1: Take a major trip, record a 5 song ep.... 

Year 8: Have a staycation, think about writing a song. 

Actually, I think we even took a year off from making goals on purpose so we couldn't fail at them for a whole year.

My realistic goals are to keep my children alive, love the Lord through my obedience to reading His Word to myself and my kids. I want to pray hard.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR:
"Why do you cry so often? For the same reason I laugh so often. Because I'm paying attention." 
-Glennon Doyle

All maternity photos by: Kya Howe