I'm sitting in the coffee shop I worked in as a barista my sophomore through senior year of college at Texas Tech. I love this place, J&B Coffee, but there's way too many people in here. I should have just stayed in Lubbock and bought this place apparently. When I worked here there were not this many people which led to many days just standing behind the counter, drinking this same chai I have in my hand now (far superior to starbucks) thinking about what I was going to do with my life. And now 13-ish years later I'm sitting here writing about all the things I'm not going to do.
In my mind I thought it would be a good idea to keep a daily journal just of things I noticed, felt, and chose with the mindset of underachievement but I did that about zero times. There's a lot Im going to forget but there's a general theme emerging as I pursue the "less-ness" of life.
I realized after my last post that I should have clarified what underachievement really means, or means to me at least. It's not being lazy or not doing things. It's doing what needs to be done without the "extra" that I put on myself, or what I think other people expect of me.
Y'all this is the most peaceful I have felt in a LONG time. And I'm speaking for the month of February because March 1 was a full moon and my kids turned into loonies and I may or may not have yelled a lot. Peace takes practice. I've been acknowledging the inner "push" to do all the things to the best of my ability. Then I don't do all the things and it's fine. I'm really starting to believe it. It is fine.
Nora's 4th b-day was great. I only stressed about getting it all set up in 30 minutes. I bought all the decor off of amazon, had a lot of stuff already, and it was fine. She loved the giant paper horses and horse figurine on her cupcake. I will say the underachiever me has definitely spent more money because buying things is more expensive than making them, but not that much more. I enjoyed not making cupcakes.
I had an eye appointment for new contacts, and I underachieved at that pretty hard. I went and waited for an hour before going crazy and leaving in a silent rage. So if you see me in my glasses it's because I'm pretty sure my only pair of contacts in contaminated with conjunctivitis. "conjunctiva" thats fun to say. I did find this gif to send rob to express my rage and I laughed pretty hard, so maybe it was all worth it. (This is the you tube version because I'm not gonna overachieve and figure out how to put a gif in a blog post. **MUTE this it may have bad words**)
I went to walgreens to buy last minute valentines cards for the girls and Rob and ran into a crazy man named Thomas. He was really tan with gorgeous blue eyes, had the wrinkly skin of a national geographic man holding a chicken in Peru, and looked probably 20 years older than he is. He began to tell me of all the people around him who had died and were dying, cursed God, and mumbled a bunch too. "MY HEART IS BROKEN INTO A THOUSAND PIECES!" he screamed.
"God says in Psalm He will heal the broken hearted" ...it's the first thing that came to mind. Then I just stopped and prayed for him next to the sour punch straws. I didn't close my eyes, just starred into his crazy blue ones. He got really quiet and calm. Then he told me another lady by the cokes prayed for him too. I told him it sounded like God was trying to chase him down. Then he left. I walked out and he was waiting for me which was scary but he wanted to tell me that he saw goodness and peace in my eyes. And that I looked 28 years old. Then his ride honked at him to get in the car. He asked me to remember him. I wanted to cry about the peace part. What I think my stress and un-peace feels like is nothing in comparison to a person without Hope.
OVERALL
- Practicing being peaceful and not being stressed by the "extra" works but it takes time to kick in.
- Thomas changed my perspective of peace overall.
- Full moons are not joking around.
- "it's fine"
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