Picture of the girls when we moved into our first house in Midland 2017

Goodbye Midland Part 2 ... The last two moves I have written letters to my homes, but not this time. My sweet friends, YOU have been my safe place to land and so this letter is to you.

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Dear Women of Midland ... For 5 years now I've lived in this desert town and the weight of leaving you all feels like I swallowed a heavy rock that is lodged in the center of my chest. At church this morning, James preached on Psalm 84:4

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“Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.”

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He commented about when you have God dwelling inside you people want to be near you, and also when other people are dwelling with God you want to dwell with them too. There began the weight in my chest as I started to recall all the women in my circle. I started my Midland journey with 2 friends, one from childhood and one from college. They took care of me, invited me often, watched my kids and took me out to dinner. But you know what is more amazing than that? They dwell with God. One is going back to school to learn sign language because God called her long ago "to use her hands to speak." The other started a non-profit after school program to educate children in the WORD. (You two are what I pray my children find in friendships)

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Then as Midland does, it sucks you into community, my circle began to grow and I learned what it meant to see people often, to know their stories and their hurts and to meet each other where we are on a regular basis... and I have grown to love you for all you have done for me and for others, but more than that... you dwell with God. 

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+One friend gave up her house to live in a tiny home (with three kids) to establish a village for the homeless 

+Many give up weeknights and many random hours to spend time with and meet the needs of teenage moms 

+One runs a school for disabled children 

+Two are fostering children they may or may not end up adopting

+One is fighting for the rights of the sexually abused in a courtroom 

+Three are teaching children the gift music 

+One is driving 45 min to church every week to sing her heart out to lead us in worship 

+One is praying for my family whom she has never met 

+Many have adopted children out of a broken system and are willingly fighting battles they inherited 

+One is showing me how she still seeks the Lord in the midst of postpartum depression 

+One who is watching her two boys deteriorate with a genetic disorder as they age and is still praising God

+One who is using her medical knowledge + natural medicine to heal in a real way

+Two who are counseling and walking into the hurt with others

+All the single ladies serving their hearts out, you inspire me

+One who made my family a full Christmas dinner while we quarantined and spent the holiday alone

+One who dreamed big creative thoughts with me and entertained ideas with excitement

+My community group girls who showed up (and with the best food) week after week, year after year, because of the commitment to community

+So many who are walking in motherhood open, honest, and struggling right alongside me

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These are just a few of the many. Thank you for being vulnerable with me, for porch drop-offs, for watching my kids and all the snacks associated with that, for answering phone calls with a crying me on the other end, for so much encouragement, and for letting me be part of your stories too.

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If I am ready to run the race of the next chapter of our life in ministry it is because you have been my jogging partners. If I am untangled from the traps of this life it is because you have cut the ropes. If I am sharp at all it is because you have been my iron. You are all my heroes, my great cloud of witnesses and I absolutely love each one of you in a way I didn't know I could. 

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Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us 

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Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

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See you at the Goatel 

2021 in Review

Here we are again! It's been a minute! And by that I mean it feels like an actual minute since I just sat down and wrote this last year. I just drank some coffee so I could write faster and make sure this is chock-full of my typical year-end shenanigans. I just googled chock-full because it felt weird to write. Origin: a person or thing stuffed to the point of choking was “choke-full.” Well that’s gross. Unless it’s Thanksgiving. 

Anyway, I started back to work as a behavior therapist in a very barely working sort of way in February. I’ve met with a bunch of parents and it has been lovely. In April, I started a 10 week training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy(ACT). I finished in September. This opened the door for me to use my BCBA (board certified behavior analyst) certification with more people about more issues and it has been amazing! I think I want to move in the direction of health and wellness to help people make sustainable changes. Anyone want to hire me for that? 

Janet, my hair, gave up on trying to be something she was not and received her last root color January 29th, 2021. 11 months ago y'all! While I feel like she should be done with this journey it is not so. We will march on toward the goal, to win the prize of ... all gray/brown NATURAL hair. It's been nice to be free of the battle. And so weird... my uncolored hair is so much healthier! It's like chemicals hurt you hair or something.

In early February, Johnny had his finger smashed to pieces in the back door. We got a $10k ER bill for stitches that we fought all year long and ended up paying about 10% of. Lesson learned: ALWAYS fight, and ask for a percentage off of a medical bill. ALWAYS.

Also in February, we gave our sweet (but old and grumpy, 13 yo) Sammy dog to my uncle in Lubbock. Her and Johnny had some less than happy interactions and we had to say good-bye. Johnny still looks for her sometimes and says, "I can't find Sammy." "Can she come home?" Heartbreaking. (Note: she's doing really well in Lubbock)

I ended up putting Johnny in 5 day a week mothers day out because that's what was open at the time and then felt sad about it and changed him to 3 days a week next semester. Then Nora got covid a week before Christmas and I spent all my hours with him and now remember why he needed 5 days. Is it just boys? Just two year olds? I keep thinking, oh he must be getting sick because he's acting so terrible, there is a reason for this turdlery... but no, pure health. (and praise God) He's like a less hairy, toddler Roy Kent. 

Perry played soccer but was more interested in the grass most of time. I found her the other day "mulching the trees," I don't even know where she learned that. Pretty sure she was born to be a homesteader. She also started piano and is doing so well! 

Nora is in hip-hop and is definitely the best dancer of us all. Way better than her way-too-long arms mama. No matter what I do I just look weird. Have you ever watched Taylor Swift try to dance and think yeah but you look a little off... its her long arms, she can't help it. 

I had a lot of time apparently due to exposures and sick kids to just sit around (mentally) and get weird. I came up with the term "covidititties" and once you say it once, twice, perhaps thrice... you can't stop. You're welcome. I don't know what it means, just use it however you feel in your heart... you'll find it. I also came up with an emoji that goes with it but I already said the "t" word on here and I'm not going to get more inappropriate. (text me later)

I also found a ceramic corgi in a purple suit at hobby lobby that went on a journey across Midland, TX to spread Christmas joy. Corgi Ten Boom. I really don't know how it happened, but this is America and you can make up whatever you want. For her full journey please see the highlight on my instagram page @thehousegoat. 

I wanted to write more this year and I did. I journaled for a whole 17 weeks before I got tired of it. I wrote one story, one devotional, and little blog posts via instagram here and there. I will be sharing the story soon.

Rob spent a lot of his time writing and recording amazing original songs. Like this one

 

So I read a whole book about kitchen gardens, had a two hour discussion with Mr. Pears, our old neighbor and master gardener, and then I went for it. So far I have harvested a couple lettuce leaves, 5 radishes, and some swiss chard. I have learned a lot. Also, planting a fall garden in a desert is quite an undertaking. 

Sanity walks have saved me over and over. I don't know how people live without them to be honest. Many of my walks are prayer time, remembering God's goodness and promises, observing creation and quieting my mind for a hot minute. If you wanna try a sanity walk, turn on maverick city's Promises song and walk with your eyes to the sky, observing the sun or moon through the trees. If you don't feel lighter afterward I'll be shocked. There's actually science to say that just 120 minutes outside a week makes a difference in our health. Did you know kids who play consistently outside are more resilient in life?! Interested? Read this. 

*I dislike that the research asked the question "How much time outside is enough?" like being outside is another thing on our list of to-dos to check off but I guess that is the world we live in. I think 120 minutes is a starting point and the real question is "How much time inside is ok before it hurts us?" We shoot for being outside from the time we get home from school until dinner everyday. 

Travels:

Santa Fe/Durango in April for our 11 year anniversary

Hotel St. Francis, Santa Fe

James Ranch, Durango

Echo Amphitheater, New Mexico

Downtown, Santa Fe

Dripping Springs-We bought a farm! With a soon to be Airbnb tiny house!

Hey Cutie Girl

before paint

after paint

Tiny House

Cinnamon Shores, Port Aransas for family beach time

Pray, Montana- Mama, Sister, Sister Trip

Meet Rocky

Sage Lodge

Paradise Valley

Florida (I don't actually know what city I was in)

Risky mom Jumps

amen

Songs of the year:

Sanctuary- Hiss the Golden Messenger

I need a teacher- Hiss the Golden Messenger

Promises - Maverick City

Hush Kids

• Morning is Made

• Weatherman

• Beauty all around

• Spend my time

The Wilder Blue album

John Mayer's new album

The new 80s playlist on repeat

Books read:

The New Strong Willed Child 2/5

Reforesting Faith 3/5

Kitchen Garden Revival 4/5

The Midnight Library  4/5

Unsettled Ground 3/5

Today Will Be Different 2/5

ADHD 2.0  3/5

Prayer Vol. 1 5/5

The 5 Love Languages for Children 5/5

Books read to kids:

Prince Caspian

Charlotte's web

On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Quotes of the Year

“I know God is speaking”

“How do you know?”

“Because I can see everything He has made.”- Perry

*In response to Nora wanting a fish*

“I need to see three things: 1. Be kind to Johnny and Perry. 2. Stop the whining and complaining. 3. Do what you’re asked the first time.”

“I can’t do all three” - Nora

“Johnny do you want sausage all crumbled up or in circles?”

“Mama! I just want sausage!”- Johnny (his obsession with breakfast sausage continues)

Looking Forward to...

- A spring/summer garden! Surely it will be easier!

-Renovations on the tiny house start in early January! (to be rented out as an airbnb after) (follow my pin board to see my design plans)

-Less spirit and dress up days at school

-Less time on social media

-Less STUFF ..but also more estate sales ?! (I'd be happy to search for you)

-Trip to Scottsdale for a beautycounter leaders retreat! (Year 5 in this biz and loving it!)

-More time outside

-Chickens and goats (some to be named Kenny Earl and Janelle after the previous owners of the farm)

-More intentional dinners with old friends and new

But Mary... a devotional

But Mary

I wake up like coffee, ready to go at full speed. I usually beat my alarm by 15 minutes and tell myself, “you need these 15 more minutes, just lay there.” Obedient to my logic I lay there and “rest,” but if you’re a mom/woman/human you know your mind starts firing up. Sometimes we are even lucky enough to fire up in the middle of the night! The older my friends and I get the more times I hear, “I woke up at 3:45 thinking about…” This is a mark of the aged. 

I not so sleepily chug my lemon water to earn my coffee and plop myself down in the chair next to the Christmas tree. I try to just sit still. Breathe in and out. Enjoy these quiet moments of no one asking me “short sleeves or long sleeves?” “What dress up day is it?” “Where is my library book?” and the two year old on repeat, “I want more sausage!”

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

I need to plan meals this week. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

We didn’t get grandma a present yet. 

Breathe in. Breathe out. 

What clients do I have today? 

Breathe in. 

Help me to be still in Your presence. 

Breathe out. 

I pull out the Word and behold in a grand performance similar to Linus on stage in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, the text emerges. Luke 2:8-19

8 And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. 10 And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

15 When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. 17 And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. 18 And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. 

It’s so lovely everytime. To imagine a multitude of heavenly hosts all saying in unison, “GLORY to GOD!” My heart leaps as I imagine it. Then another piece pops out. 

BUT Mary. Mary in contrast to shepherds who were making known what they had seen and heard. BUT Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. 

We live in an age of, “making known.” I wake up wondering what the world has made known since I went to sleep last night and fight off the urge to check my texts, and emails, and instagram the second I walk into the kitchen where my phone lies ready to “tell.” It feels urgent in a way, though it's not. Author, Shauna Neiquist, refers to this technological-informational separation feeling as, “twitchy fingers.” 

The day goes on and I … answer the text, read the email, make the list, laugh at the meme, take a photo of the dress up day and post it because they’re cute (and it feels like everyone should know it), I work, grocery shop, make lunches, fold the laundry, check what has been made known since breakfast, repost something funny, repost something true, pick up from school, snacks, piano, dinner. “Watch this babe, it's so funny,” say a prayer, goodnight. 

But Mary. 

Her fingers were calm. Her eyes and heart wide open to what was before her. She took a picture with her entire being and invited it in to stay forever.  A moment of Glory to revisit and treasure in heavenly awe. 

I don’t think we are so different. There are moments of pure gold, joy, and beauty that the Lord opens our eyes to. He’s calling out to our innermost saying, “THIS IS ME! This is me showing you my glory!” And when we’re awake enough, we recognize and see it and then have a choice. Do we pull out our pocket cameras and take a picture that rarely does the moment justice or open our eyes and hearts to fully take it in? No caption creating itself for future use, instead, a sense of wonder.

Now the shepherds did do their job. They were told, they went to see, and they went and told. All who heard wondered at what the shepherds had told them. 

How do we know what to tell and what to treasure? But Mary … pondered these things in her heart. She brought them in and let them sit. She woke up to think about them. Took a breath in and out, and brought the moments of glory back to her mind.

In a world where so much is made known I think it’s more important than ever to ponder what we share and what we don’t. I’ve been pondering this since last Christmas and practicing the art of treasuring. 

It has mattered. It also feels worth sharing.

2020 in Review

 Just off the top of my head... 

I will remember this year for the coming together (separately of course) over memes, homeschool disaster #1 and #2, Easter with neighbors in the street, finally giving my hair (who has always had a life all her own) a name, moving on a whim, the importance of red flags, homeschool epiphany #1, and Johnny's chronic poop/attitude issues. 

Nora hated every second of kindergarten at home. We did lots of worksheets. Then we did zero worksheets. She and Perry became feral children who lived outside with the neighbor kids. I bathed them sometimes, I think. 

In March, I felt like the Lord put it on my heart that we wouldn't live in our house much longer. So we started and finished last minute fixer upper projects like this one:

and the side yard:

Then Rona reared her ugly, spikey-ball head and I thought....well I guess Rob is going to get laid off and that's why we're moving. But no... and praise God! An acquaintance on Instagram mentioned off hand in a story that she was thinking about selling her house... and being creeper-like I had already peeked into her window one time picking up something from her porch ... so I said "Hey Rob, guess what..." and then we bought and sold a house in a pandemic. We didn't move into a bigger house... it is a same size house, but without a pool. Nora let Johnny out of the pool gate twice and I was done. 

Here's a poem I wrote to that house:

Re-entry:

The first time we went to the Library after it re-opened we were the only kid family there. Not only were we loud by comparison to the silent old people, but I realized we had also lost all social skills. We left approximately 7 min later. I think I lost my own social skills too, and learned new skills like the "smile by eye-squinch" maneuver. A risky move for my 35 year old eye wrinkles but Instagram can hear my thoughts and will recommend a product for that. 

And now its time for some real talk:

Johnny has been tough. Like really tough, always fussy, I am jumping through all of his hoops because I just want him to be happy for some extended minutes of his awake life. This has made me tired, foggy and jagged. 

There were A LOT of red flags popping up in my life and I was ignoring them one after the other. Making rationalizations and justifications for them if I even gave them that much energy. Do you know what happens when you ignore a bunch of red flags? A bomb goes off instead. 

If you have fallen asleep to your red flags, WAKE. UP. You have them for a reason. Is there something you are ignoring over and over about your health because it's not debilitating? A relationship that is pushing boundaries or needing boundaries? An environment you or your kids need to stop visiting? A show? An app? Red flags can be anywhere. Ask yourself questions. That uneasy feeling... is that what a red flag feels like to you?

Fast forward:: School starts online

This is how that went:

I ordered the homeschool curriculum "The Good and the Beautiful" language arts for Nora because online school not cutting it and I didn't want her to fall behind in reading. We LOVED it. Even her. My whole mindset shifted about homeschooling. It didn't seem impossible anymore and I can see more value in it where I couldn't before. We are not homeschooling currently but I love that I got a glimpse into it. 

2020 specifics:

Masks were hard for me. Maybe they still are but I wear them. BUT NOW, for only $36, we can buy shirts that are made to pull up over our faces and hook to our ears so that's neat. 2020 also taught me if something doesn't look quite right it is because you need to put an orangey filter on it and then it will probably look better than what you see out of your natural born eye balls. 

Best Quotes of the Year:

Nora: "If you could climb a ladder all the way to heaven would you climb it?"

Me: "Eek, that's a really tall ladder I might be scared"

Perry: "Yes you would Mommy!"

Nora: "Yeah you would, anything is worth seeing Jesus" 

&

"I find myself worrying most that when we hand our children phones we steal their boredom from them. As a result we are raising a generation of writers who will never start writing, artists who will never start doodling, chefs who will never make a mess in the kitchen, athletes who will never kick a ball against a wall, musicians who will never pick up their aunt's guitar and start strumming." -Glennon Doyle 

Books I read:

Where the Crawdads Sing

Educated

Murmur of Bees

Get out of your Head

The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe

Becoming Duchess Goldblatt

From Sand and Ash

The Growing Season

Answered Prayers by George Muller

Mr Ives Christmas

Songs of the Year:

A Spoon of Sugar - Kacey Musgraves (because it makes Johnny happy) 

Skyline Motel EP on repeat all year

Total Freedom- Kathleen Edwards ... probably our most favorite find. At first you listen and think "ok, yeah." Then you listen again and then you can't stop. Its like kombucha. 

Looking forward: 

*Nora is starting at a new school in January because there were too many red flags at the previous one. 

*I am coming out of behavior therapy pregnancy and nursing retirement! I have to reactivate my license and get some CE hours but I'm coming for you all my sweet behavior challenged babies! I've missed you and all your shenanigans. 

* I made Senior Manager this year consulting for Beautycounter and have loved this company more than ever before.  

* I plan on making writing a more integral part of my life. Hopefully, I will share more on that later. Big thank you to the both of you that made it to my last sentence besides my mom and Aunt Helen. 

Happy New Year Friends