2019 was a doozy. I started out very pregnant and gave birth to our first boy on Nora's 5th birthday. It was my easiest labor and delivery and my tiniest baby at only 8.5 lbs (2 weeks early) Then some days later, Perry broke her arm ... the one she didn't break last year. Most of this year was a blur so this post might be a quick read.

I think my whole mindset shifted in a lot of ways this year. When you have three kids, five and under, you kind of don't have a choice. Instead of "underachieving" like last year I pretty much just "achieved." I said yes to more things but did them more simply. I signed up for the kids parties... but I brought plates and napkins. I bought a stash of birthday gifts on amazon so I wasn't going out to buy things for every party. I made more meal plans and planned ahead for foods (ish). I put myself down early for bed (9:30pm) I even started working out 5x a week... because I let go of the notion I had to go somewhere (even though I still would love to) and just do it at my house when Johnny is napping because its simpler that way.

I love simple. Too much stuff is not simple... its managing, cleaning up, rearranging and organizing junk that we don't even need. I've given away half of my closet. I'm still working on the other half. There's still a lot in there but I've been hoarding things for 10+ years. I'm talking shirts that only fit bodies years before they thought about babies. I know this is very Marie Kondo of me but I'm for real. I don't waste time thanking my clothes because... they are clothes. Bye.

Now let's talk about toys. I really do hate toys y'all. Hate is strong word. That's why I'm using it. My kids had three toy boxes and a playroom full of toys. They played consistently with 10 things. Those being a karaoke machine, dress up clothes, some stuffed dogs, american girl dolls and the toy stroller. THAT'S IT. But to get to all those things they were digging through mounds of other crap toys that they just cast aside repeatedly.

So we have had multiple rounds of giving away toys and are in a much better place. They threw fits and cried over toys they haven't touched in years but once they were out of sight they were forgotten again. Just in time for Christmas. I recently listened to a podcast by Dr. Denaye Barahona of Simple Families about "Too many toys" I loved the framework she set up about acquiring new toys to help her kids think about the toys. Heres a snippet:

"...I’m also really mindful of the fact that the way that I buy for my kids is teaching them. It’s teaching them how to make decisions about bringing materials into their life, and I want them to be intentional about it. So we talk about the decisions. How often are you going to play with this? How many different ways can you use this? How durable is this? How long is it going last? What’s gonna happen to it after we’re done with it? Is this something about we’re going to be able to pass on to another family, where perhaps it just won’t be interesting to kids because it involves a character that is losing popularity and is going to be pretty much unknown after your child is done playing with it.

When you buy toys more intentionally, you can back load the joy on the toys, and that means you might be buying something like a good set of wooden unit blocks that aren’t necessarily going to light your kid up with joy when they open it on the morning of their birthday, but the joy is going to come out slowly over weeks, over months, over years, as they learn new creative ways to use these toys. I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want to teach my kids about bringing new things into their life. I want them to buy more intentionally. I want them to buy things that are going to be useful and durable, to last for years rather than something that’s just going to get them excited and happy for a few moments. I truly think it’s never too early to start teaching that." 

So what do my kids do if they are not playing with toys? They are outside playing with dirt, grass, rocks, and riding scooters. If they are inside they are usually coloring or cutting up paper and string, using up all my tape and creating disasters. I love this. They are being creative.

This next part is hard for me but I believe in it. Experiences over things. I'm a homebody and could be fine not doing the "cool thing" that everyone else is doing. 1. Because I'm fine, good for you, no FOMO here. 2. Kids are hard to drag around places. I read a quote from a mom this year that said "You can't take your kids somewhere, spend money on them and expect them to have a good time. That's not how it works." So maybe that's not true all the time but a lot of the times, it is. Johnny got sick Christmas day and I felt like I missed the whole Christmas experience with the girls. I found the Color Factory and knew this was a must.

I've realized that I'm tried of pretty pictures on instagram. They are lovely, but I'm tired of them. I'm tired of perfectly staged rooms, and perfectly matching and posed kids. Maybe it's because my real life doesn't and can't look like that and why should it? Do I even want it to? Not really. So here's to pictures of our well thought out and lovely homes in their natural states and children in their mismatched clothes and hair that needs to be brushed not looking at the camera or smiling but having fun doing whatever they are doing... and us taking that pretty picture without interrupting them to say "smile" "stand closer" and "move over there" etc. Obviously this isn't always going to happen but I think it can a lot more.

Lastly, I have really enjoyed not eating paleo this year! Man, you people with all your gluten are really living it up. I mean it. I have a couple months left of nursing, call me let's eat bread together.


Books:
Lilac Girls
Daring Greatly

Song/s of the Year
Its easier just to make a playlist. These our favorites... Mine and Rob's and some of the girls too. But our kids probably know the words to all of them.

My theme of year: Let it go // Experiences over things (... except for vintage rugs)

Side Gigs: Doing some photography mostly of some really beautiful homes! Some friends' kiddos here and there too. Still loving beautycounter! Ever remember me talking about my red beard? (read: face so dry it hurts) Well its gone thanks to this and this. Also everyone's favorite is 45% off right now.

Quote of the year: from Perry talking my next door neighbor (and one of my best friends) who had just finished mopping and was cleaning a vent...

"My mom never cleans. She just pays people to clean. She has lots of money, do you not have money?"

"I have money I just choose to spend it on different things"

"Yeah that why we had to choose some toys to give away to poor humans like you that don't have money or tickets. I put my toy cat in there. Its broken but you'll still like it"

I'm not even going to try to defend myself. Its the best worst thing I have ever heard.

Happy New Year! 

Happy New Year from us in 1980s // Photo By: Finch Media Co 

HOME.

My 4 year old said to me, "Why do you keep changing our house?" I was ripping down 1975 metallic wallpaper so I think I said something to the effect of, "I don't like this wallpaper so I'm going to take it down and paint it a color I like." I felt okay about that answer. But then the same question kept coming when we got new windows ... "because they were old..." and when I got a new rug .... "because... I liked it?"

Why do I keep changing our house? I want it to be beautiful, a reflection of my style and functional for our family... but at what point do I stop? Will I ever stop? Probably not. We all know those people that just change + change + renovate ... then move and start over again.

I think there are two parts to this.
1. The genuine want to create a warm, restful, and comfortable home.
2. The longing for our true home.

Lets start with

PART 1: The genuine want to create a warm, restful, and comfortable home. 

I immediately think of Sally Clarkson's, A Life Giving Home: Creating a place of belonging and becoming. Just flipping through it I know I need to read it again. While she does talk about creating with the "stuff" of a space: cozy chairs and blankets, holiday decor, fresh flowers, pictures on the walls, meaningful items from trips abroad; these are all second to rhythms, routines, and rituals. Connecting with the Lord, with each other, creating familiar routines to come back to, (at least in our minds) in what we do in our homes because of the meaningful "why" of it all. Sharing meals and inviting the community in is a huge theme in this book. Also a good read on that note is Bread and Wine by Shauna Neiquist.

I think all of us have experienced the vacation that was amazing but the longing to be back in our bed, with our things, doing things our way. We want our home to be a place where we feel comfort and rest, a place where our people feel comfort and rest, and for me, a place to offer others a place of comfort and rest. There's nothing wrong with any of this.

PART 2: The longing for our TRUE home.

Hebrews 11:16 

But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

Hebrews 13:14 

For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

2 Corinthians 4:18 

As we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 5:7 

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

Philliapians 3:20 

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ

Hebrews 11:10 

For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.

I think whether we acknowledge Christ as Lord or not, He has still created us, and created us to long for Him, and to long for heaven. Our homes are never going to feel "just right" because the world is not "just right." We can renovate and redecorate till our fingers and bank accounts bleed but our hearts will never be truly content with our "attempts" of home. I am not surprised our eternal home is "designed and built by God" (Hebrews 11:10) Can you imagine having to make those color and material choices?! haha. 

This is the piece where Nora's question gets me. "Why do you keep changing our house?" I have the good reasons but I have to question all my reasons. Am I reaching for something unattainable? Yes. I will never replace the longing in my heart with the look/feel of my house, but I still innately try and then post it on instagram like its an accomplishment.  But if you come to my house and feel comfortable, cared for and encouraged then maybe we really did catch a little glimpse of heaven. Good read on this: The Great Divorce by CS Lewis

Like everything else in life its a balance. Thank you to our children who see things all too clearly.

" Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul alike." -John Muir

"We shape our dwellings, and afterwards our dwellings shape us." -Winston Churchill